So, I turned 30 on the 30th of December 2014. Yipppeeee! Not really. I found myself wondering what would I do next. I wondered why I hadn't accomplished more in my 20s. Why didn't I see and experience more things? The truth is, I still don't know. I won't say that I didn't want to turn 30, that would imply that I intended to die prior to the age or found some sort of Benjamin Button thing that would keep my in my 20s, but I definitely was not looking forward to it. I didn't even know how to celebrate it or if I even wanted to. "Luckily", I got sick a few days prior and didn't have to bother with the whole ordeal. I know I'm not the only way who has had such feelings. Especially, being a woman. Emotions run high on some things.
Anyway, here I am 30 and under accomplished. Under achieved. Under. Under. Under. I was suppose to do so much. I always thought I would have, at least, one child before 30. I feel like now is too late. I don't want to be the "assumed" grandma at my children's events. I was under the siege of cacophony of sounds and visions of loss and my long list of shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Now, as I look over the bric-a-brac that makes up my 20s, I am so glad to be done with it. Good riddance 20s! Hello to the potential of my 30s. I had to pull out a more positive outlook because things were looking dire. I would not want my creator to believe me to be ungrateful for all that He has brought me through.
Although, I am not one to believe that "30 is the new 20" or any nonsense like that, I do believe that greater things lie ahead of me. Am I the only one? I may be a wee bit more wise than I was in my 20s. I did a host of stupid things during those times. Many of which I am now ashamed, but turning 30 has given me a clean slate. I think. I guess I won't walk off any jobs in my 30s or burn so many bridges that I can not see for the BLAZE! Oh, how glorious was the blaze though. I miss setting, figurative, fires. It can still happen in this decade.
I just want more clarity in all things, be better in all things. Love more. Be nicer to people, for I was not nice to a lot of people. In my mind, they did not deserve my kindness and deserved what they got, but that's not how things work. I'll try to live the Golden rule more. I will do unto others…I think. A friend of mine called it, the Golden birthday, so I guess y'all can call me Jill Scott.
