Reflection from the Couch

It's official. I have turned into one of those people who can sit for hours and watch allllllll spiritual television channels. I can remember my grandparents, or any older person for that matter, when I was younger watching either The Price Is Right, Murder She Wrote, Matlock, the Andy Griffith Show, or anything spiritual. I also remember believing that this was prime time torture for me! Who in their right mind can sit and just watch this stuff. Was I being punished? What did I do to deserve this?!? I couldn't stand it, but as I grow I understand the significance of the spiritual shows. The jury is still out on the other shows. You probably won't catch me watching any of those at this point, but you may catch me watching me a little Joyce Meyer. 

I realize that it is all about my personal growth. Of course, as a kid I may not have understood the purpose of listening to people preach on television. It wasn't speaking to me back then, but my God, it is speaking to me now. As I learn and grow in Christ it is evident that I am being changed from the inside out. He speaks to me all the time now. I don't always listen, but he does speak. I now value the things that had no value at one point. I don't want to confuse anyone and have them to believe that I "live next door to Jesus" because that is not the case. I am ME all day everyday, but I am a new and slightly more improved ME. I am different. I am changed. I am being changed and I accept that change. The good part about it all is that God loves me as I am today, not as I will be in the future. He knows that I am a work in progress. The problem comes when people don't understand that WORK that God is performing in me/you. It's all about the connection being made with God. Nothing else matters. I thank God for my new/renewed understanding.

The Wedding: In the End

For the finale, I am just beginning to have fun with my siblings when my mama walks in and says that she is ready to go...alright then. Everything is coming to an end and I am starting to feel a little better and figure this whole thing out. Did everything go according to plan? Hell no.  Was it perfection? No. Was it what I envisioned? Absolutely not!  Everything was smooth sailing until the last couple weeks leading up to the Wedding. All hell broke loose at the VERY LAST MINUTE, but I wouldn't trade the experience. In the end it's not about the niggas that BEGGED to attend the wedding and then not show up. It's not about the niggas who you considered to be friends, not showing up, not telling you they weren't coming until the next day on FB via a status, as if they couldn't call you. How selfish is that though seriously? It's not about the dress, the flowers, the decor, the cake, which was banana flavored by the way. It's not about who came and who didn't.  It's ALL about walking down that aisle, to the person you know for a FACT that you are suppose to spend the rest of your days with. It's about your connection. It's about uniting, as one, against the world. It's about starting a new life, new chapter.  

My advice to anyone who is getting married or thinking about it is this, make sure you are both on the same page. As long as you both agree then it's fine. People on the outside should have no say so because it's not about them. It's about the people who exchanged those Vows. If you want a big/small wedding, by all means, go for it. Just know that people are going to be people and that entails a lot. Be ready for anything. Things probably won't go according to what you envision, but keep your eye on what's important.

I didn't have a very traditional wedding because that's not what I wanted. Your wedding should be a reflection of you. Of course, everyone will have an opinion, but we know what they say of opinions... In some people's eyes I didn't do a lot of things "the way it should have been done" and I don't care. All I care about is the man that was waiting on me at the end of that aisle. Smirking at me. Reassuring me. 

The Wedding: In the Middle...

Soooooooooo, picking up from "the shop", I'm headed back home to pick up some items and people. I get there and our, at the time, very small apartment is overflowing with people and I'm not very happy once I get there because we are so far behind schedule that I could spit! Anyway, I walk in and I am greeted by everyone and my flower girls, who are also natural babies, hair is so puffy that I just can't stand it. I look at my mama and say two words. Fix. It. Apparently, she had semi pressed their hair, which would have been fine, if it had remained pressed. At this point I'm struggling with my attitude. I'm trying to round people up and I still have a BM doing her hair. Tsk tsk tsk. Finally, we get out and on the road. My mama has a phobia of the bridge and all the "big trucks",  so she's driving like somebody's very ancient grandma. I am now driving so of course, I am driving all kinds of miles over the speed limit, but I slow down once I see my mama waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay behind me. Di-sas-ter! I couldn't believe any of this was happening.

    Okay so, eventually we make it to the church. Our church is down a dirt road and negroes are absolutely acting as if they have 1: never seen a dirt road and 2: their cars are very expensive. I'm met by the photographers, whom are now trying to get in as many photos as they can before the ceremony. I'm getting dressed and I realize that I have left my garter and actual wedding shoes at home. Great. Snap. Snap. Snap go the cameras as I try to force a smile because by now I. Am. Furious. Thinking to myself, why did I agree to this again? what purpose does it serve? Out of everything that has happened, I still insist on starting on time and we do. People seem to be amazed that everything was happening without them. How dare we start on time and not wait for them...I swear the audacity of people some times baffles me. With Vows exchanged, hands shook, and people recognized it's time for the piece de resistance(I couldn't do the little accented e, but you know what I mean), the Reception.


Ugh, what can I say about the reception...It was wall to wall, ninjas, up in there. They beat us there, because they skipped the ceremony. Yes, these were real deal ninjas, death stars and everything. Since, we were so behind schedule I had to rush all of my reception "moments" because at this point the photographers were being real BICKS. Pardon my language. People I did not know or had ever seen before were at the Reception. They were very much un-welcomed and uninvited people. Pissed. Me. Off. In real ninja fashion when it was time to eat, the people who were NOT invited, hop their happy asses in line first. Just piling it on their plates. Mountains of meatballs, chip, and dip passing by the room where I was sitting. I believe I saw to go plates, but that's another story. So as the food dwindled so did the people, which made happy. It probably made me happier than it should have.  Also, in real ninja fashion, there were less gifts brought than people present. To me that was a problem. You couldn't even bring a damn card? No best wishes? If I can help it, I try not to go to anything empty handed. It doesn't have to be the most expensive thing, but you should put forth some effort. It's the principle. Lord have mercy! I'm about to wrap this up because just thinking about it makes me want to throw hands all over again.

To be continued...

The Wedding: In the beginning...

    I married my soul mate, love of my life, October 13, 2012. Our anniversary is upon us and I have been reflecting heavily on everything that happened last year around this time. Our colors were Blush, Black, and Ivory. I had four bridesmaids and he had four groomsmen. There were four flower girls, one ring bearer, my beloved baby brother Mr. Riley, and four hostesses. I was accompanied down the aisle by my ever so dashing brother, Tremayne. The weather was superb. It had rained the night prior and I remember thinking disastrous thoughts, but the next day the sky was clear and delightfully blue. It honestly looks fake in the pictures. Although the weather was picturesque the day was not going according to plan. Let me just say that from the BEGINNING I did not want a wedding. 

    

   Moving right along, I had a hair appointment to get to early that A.M. and being a natural girl I was nervous about how that was going to turn out. My mama was suppose to be at my place of residence, with the entire clan, early that morning so we could all be in one place once hair and make up was done. Two of the bridesmaids spent the night with me and one picked me up that faithful morning. My MOH was on point as usual. She was on time picking me up and we were on our way. While in route to "the shop" I get a call from my mama asking me should she bring everybody with her...seriously? This is when the day begins to go all the way south. The plan was to be in Arkansas at a certain time to take pics before the actual ceremony. By now I'm sure you can tell that never happened for me. Nooooooooope. Didn't happen. 

   

    Fast forward to the point where my mama actually makes it to the shop. She is now resisting the ENTIRE reason for her coming, which was HAIR/MAKEUP. How is that? One of my sisters allowed someone to give her the WORST possible sew in that I have ever seen, so she is not happy either. At this point, focus is going everywhere except where it should. Not to sound selfish, buuuuuuut it was suppose to be about me. What I wanted. What I discussed with people months prior. I'm mad as hell about this sew in, about my mama's tardiness/resistance, among other things, etc. 

To be continued...

Sucker Free

I believe DMX said it best, "It's hard to be sucker free, in a room full of lollipops". I swear every time I turn around I feel like someone has a new "bone" to pick with me. Some of these bones are so old that they are more of a dust or powdery substance. It has become increasingly difficult for me to maintain my chill when people around me are waiting on that moment where they can "catch me slippin". What is going on in the world when, more than anything, we want to see the next person fail? Why is such satisfaction gained through the failure of others? Reminds me of the old Field Mob song, "You be frowning when I'm smiling. You be smiling when I'm frowning. When I'm glad you get mad." Why is everybody so dang mad at the success of others. You too, could have certain successes if you weren't busy focusing on ways to stop someone else's success. I guess in your own right you are successful in something and that's being a PRIME TIME HATER. Congratulations on accomplishing nothing. We have got to do better. Be better. Live better. Love better.