I know I'm not the only one...

     So, I turned 30 on the 30th of December 2014. Yipppeeee! Not really. I found myself wondering what would I do next. I wondered why I hadn't accomplished more in my 20s. Why didn't  I see and experience more things? The truth is, I still don't know. I won't say that I didn't want to turn 30, that would imply that I intended to die prior to the age or found some sort of Benjamin Button thing that would keep my in my 20s, but I definitely was not looking forward to it. I didn't even know how to celebrate it or if I even wanted to. "Luckily", I got sick a few days prior and didn't have to bother with the whole ordeal. I know I'm not the only way who has had such feelings. Especially, being a woman. Emotions run high on some things.

Anyway, here I am 30 and under accomplished. Under achieved. Under. Under. Under.  I was suppose to do so much. I always thought I would have, at least, one child before 30. I feel like now is too late. I don't want to be the "assumed" grandma at my children's events. I was under the siege of cacophony of sounds and visions of loss and my long list of shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Now, as I look over the bric-a-brac that makes up my 20s, I am so glad to be done with it. Good riddance 20s! Hello to the potential of my 30s. I had to pull out a more positive outlook because things were looking dire. I would not want my creator to believe me to be ungrateful for all that He has brought me through.

Although, I am not one to believe that "30 is the new 20" or any nonsense like that, I do believe that greater things lie ahead of me. Am I the only one? I may be a wee bit more wise than I was in my 20s. I did a host of stupid things during those times. Many of which I am now ashamed, but turning 30 has given me a clean slate. I think. I guess I won't walk off any jobs in my 30s or burn so many bridges that I can not see for the BLAZE! Oh, how glorious was the blaze though. I miss setting, figurative, fires. It can still happen in this decade. 

I just want more clarity in all things, be better in all things. Love more. Be nicer to people, for I was not nice to a lot of people. In my mind, they did not deserve my kindness and deserved what they got, but that's not how things work. I'll try to live the Golden rule more. I will do unto others…I think. A friend of mine called it, the Golden birthday, so I guess y'all can call me Jill Scott. 

What to Expect When EVERYONE ELSE is Expecting

     The following conversation, in more ways than one, happens to me quite often. Most recent occurrence being two weeks ago, give or take. It goes as follows:

Rando person: Hey Friendella, I haven't seen you in so long! You look good. Any kids yet???
Me: No. Not as of yet.
Rando: Why not? What YOU waiting on?
Me: (Smiling trying to be polite) Ummmm, I truly don't know what to tell you.
Rando: Are YOU trying?

INSERT THE MOST DRAMATIC OF PAUSES

  After this point, I am so done with these kind of exchanges in their entirety. Really, am I trying? Are you seriously going to ask me that right now in Kroger/WalMart/Target/Party? Clearly one could insert any random place there. My question is, would you also like to count my eggs or better yet calculate how many I might have left?

People, honestly, it is absolutely NONE of your business what is or IS NOT going on within my reproductive organs. Maybe I don't have any ovaries or uterus of which to speak. Hoooow about that? Tsk tsk tsk. We ask such personal questions these days. We have no limits to what we will ask people. What makes us so damn comfortable really?

I have been bombarded with questions and expectations concerning children since getting married and some prior to marriage because, as we all know, WE are suppose to have our children young, have baby daddies, collect meager child support checks, and tolerate real questionable visitation. At this point, sorry if this disappoints, I'm not 100% sure I even want children with the way the world is set up. It's going down hill fast. Maybe I am incapable of having children at all. Will that make me less of a woman, sister, aunt or wife because of it? Will YOU die or be heartbroken because of it? I should think NOT!

I'm sick of all the unnecessary pressure of people insisting that "You should at least have one." Currently, I enjoy my life as it is. I can come and go as I very well please, only being responsible for little ol me. IF I so desired, I could pack up, move, change my number, change my name, and disappear. Some times I think about that at length. So, let me live and be great. Stop pressuring me. Unfortunately, I do not have, in my possession, a magic wand which I could wave and "magically" become pregnant.

To close this on out, let's be real about the situation, more than half the people with all these questions concerning offspring won't even purchase expected baby a pair of socks, onesie, or even be around whenever, if ever, they arrive. I ask you to do two things:

1.Increase your chill.
2.Stay in your lane.

That is all!

About, About Last Night...

  Their description of the movie: (Comedy/Romance) "Follows two couples as they journey from the bar to the bedroom and are eventually put to the test in the real world."

My description:  (Funny?/Porn) Follow a group of Black folks who meet at a bar and ultimately, end up in the bedroom  where they stay until they "catch" feelings for one another.

So, I recently had the displeasure of viewing About Last Night. The new movie with Michael Ealy, Kevin Hart, Regina Hall, and Joy Bryant. (Sidenote: I like Kevin Hart but, I'm slick tired of seeing him in movies, but I guess that's neither here nor there.)  Now, for the most part I attempt to support all Black movies because, let's face it, good ones are so hard to come by and the rest go straight to DVD.  I try to support because most black actors/actresses are not offered many of the big money roles. When they are offered the opportunity to be the "main" character in most movies they have to play some unsavory character.  Anywho, about this movie, it was terrible, in my opinion. I spent most of my time wondering why I even bothered. The rest of the time I wanted my money back. For real, it got so bad that my husband fell asleep in there. You could see the Zzzzz's coming out of his hat.

  I spent most of the time feeling like I was watching "not so soft" porn. It was just full of sex scenes and bad language. I mean every time I looked up somebody was in the bed. I know the whole sex sells spill, but my word, is that all we are these days? I thought it was suppose to be a love story. Maybe I'm confused about what love is, but from what I saw love is just "hooking up/messing off" for a long time until one or the other catches feelings. Now where I come from we call that something else. We call those FB's and I ain't talking about Facebook. It was just pitiful, but I guess this is what love looks like. I guess it really was about "Sexual Perversity in Chicago".

 In the future, if I am to continue to support these movies, then they have to do better. It is very necessary. How do we proclaim to want to be taken seriously when we take part in crap like this. I just know there are some folks, outside of the Black community, who are like "Well this must be in the likeness of Black people", "This must truly be what THEY are like." You know we get generalized all the time. If I go into a store and some of US are in there being, for lack of a better word, ratchet you know the White folks in the room expect the same behavior from all of US. I know some people won't agree and that's fine. Some may be like I read too much into it, but I think if we all read a little more we would be doing better anyway, I'm just saying.

P.S. This movie was directed by a fellow by the name of Steve Pink. Oh Steve, you disappoint me, but not as much as the people who agreed to be a part of this foolishness.

P.S.S. This should not have been remade, things look different in color. Sigh. This movie really got under my skin.